Welcome to the first blog post for Married, Fun and Child-free. For my first post I’d like to expand on the background of this blog (which is touched on in the ‘About’ section).
My husband and I have been together since 2012 and have been married for just over a year. When we first got together music, travel, art and not wanting to have children were just some of the many things we realised we had in common. We spent the first few years of coupledom being badgered by friends and family about when we were going to get married. I was on board that train – often dancing over-enthusiastically every time Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ came on… So it was a dream come true when in the winter of 2016, Mr T popped the question – and I said yes.
We’d barely said “I do” before the expectation of children reared its head (it had been raised before but definitely got more frequent and obvious after the wedding). People who barely know us would ask: “So, when are you going to have kids?” or make comments such as “You’ll be next!” (particularly at weddings and Christenings whilst gesturing towards my stomach) and then there’s the classic “Don’t wait too long – it gets harder as you get older”.
At first, our reaction was to smile and nod. Sometimes, even pandering to the expectation with “Not yet” and “We’ve only just got married”. However, we both knew that it was never going to happen – we don’t want children; that lifestyle choice has never appealed. But, even though we were absolutely sure, we found it difficult to say out loud.
Why? Because when you do it seems to create a certain tension in the air which is hard to explain (especially if around parents). It’s like deciding not to have children is taboo.
This blog hopes to break that taboo.
Deciding to have children (or not) is all about personal choice. It’s not anyone’s business either.
I don’t need to share our story… but I’ve increasingly found that when we meet another person or couple that knows they want to be child-free, it feels life-affirming. And, although we don’t need affirmation, in a world where having children is very much seen as ‘the norm’, it makes us feel more normal.
I hope this blog makes readers feel that same support too.
Mrs T x
What we did this weekend: I went out for drinks with a friend on Friday night having decided to give up on dry January and hit my favourite wine bar instead. Mr T stayed in and spent some time on his new music production hobby. On Saturday, after the gym and a mid-afternoon coffee shop trip we went to the cinema to see Beautiful Boy; a brilliant film about drug addiction. On Sunday, Mr T knocked up one of his famous Sunday roasts.
What we didn’t do: Change any dirty nappies (but we know some people who did 😉)