I’m writing this blog after reading an article in today’s Daily Mail written by Farrah Storr on her decision to “turn her back on motherhood”. Farrah is the former editor of Cosmopolitan magazine and opens by asking ‘Why is it so tough to admit you don’t want a baby?’.
It’s a question I’ve asked myself many times – and I think the main reason is that not enough people talk about it. It’s like being child-free by choice is almost a dirty word. It’s probably the reason why me and my husband spent quite a while just smiling and nodding at people who just assumed we would ‘be next’. And it’s one of the reasons I started this blog.
Farrah’s experiences in sharing the news with family and friends are all too familiar; amusing, annoying (and sometimes offensive) denial, cries of ‘but you’d be such good parents’ and ‘you’ll be missing out’. I’ve heard them all!
A new short film called ‘Parent’ was launched this week about a mother’s struggle to accept that her daughter doesn’t want children. It’s a really accurate portrayal and definitely worth a watch. The mother in the film lists just about all the classic responses.
There’s something about admitting you don’t want children that suddenly makes other people an expert on what is best for you and your life – a random person on twitter even tweeted me the other day to tell me I’d be “happier raising a family”. He didn’t even know me!
You’d never get this reaction the other way around. Imagine if I told every pregnant person I saw that they may change their mind and reminded them of all the things they will miss out on?!
Choosing whether or not to have children is a personal choice - and not having children is just as valid a choice as having them.
My main piece of advice for people struggling to admit they don’t want kids is just to be true to yourself – don’t feel like you have to smile and nod in the situations where people are making assumptions that aren’t true. It’s OK not to want kids. It’s normal.
The more people that talk about it, the easier it will become. That’s why I’ve accepted an invitation to talk on regional radio this week about Farrah’s article and my choice to be child-free. I’m nervous as I’ve never done live radio before but I feel like I need to practice what I preach and get talking.
Wish me luck!
Mrs.T x
What we did this weekend: I met up with friends for drinks on Saturday afternoon. Me, Mr.T and some friends were out on Saturday night for dinner and dancing. Mr.T made a curry for Sunday which was a much-needed hangover cure. We also booked a trip to Amsterdam for the summer – we love the city and go every year.
What we didn’t do: Sit through three hours of ‘Disney on Ice’ (but we know some people that did 😉)